Sunday, August 31, 2014

Guns Don't Kill People. 9-Year-Old Girls Kill People.

She's gonna git ya!

The beautiful American love affair with guns took a turn for the sublime this past week when a 9-year-old girl killed her shooting instructor with an Uzi submachine gun. 

Of course, this was an accident.  It took place at the Last Stop gun range, in White Hills, Arizona, about an hour outside Las Vegas.  The 60-pound third-grader couldn't handle the recoil from the gun, ended up firing over her head rather than down-range, and shot her instructor, 39-year-old Charles Vacca in the head.  

Here's a photo still from a video of the lesson:

Gun instructor Charles Vacca and the unidentified 9-year-old girl, moments before the girl took Vacca's head off with the Uzi she's holding.

I don't want to get all Pollyanna on you here, but there are a lot of good things to take away from this.

For one, I've often been concerned that kids are a little too coddled these days.  When I was 9 years old, I already had a paper route.  You see what I'm saying?  

I was a working man at that age.  Out on the streets at 7am, letting myself into apartment buildings, counting money, making change, dodging muggers and pedophiles - in general dealing with adults. 

It's good to get kids out there early, killing people and doing stuff.  Gives them a taste of what real life is all about.  

Here's a little graphic illustration of what things used to be like, and how far we've drifted.

The following is a photo of future super-model Brooke Shields when she was 10 years old.  She is nude, in make-up, and slathered in oil.  The photo was taken in 1975, and appeared in a Playboy publication called Sugar & Spice.  

(and everything nice.  That's what little girls are made of)

Now you might say, "What was her mother thinking?"  But you know what?  You'd be wrong.  This kind of thing was expected in those days.  So much so, that a mainstream magazine like Playboy felt comfortable creating images of children for grown men to tug themslves to.

When we were kids, you grew up early.  Sex, death, drugs, the whole nine yards.  Existential darkness.  At 10 years old.  


It's time for modern kids to grow the "f" up.   Gunning people down is a step in the right direction.

Spare me your horror.  The case went to court in 1983, and the photo was ruled not to be pornography, child or otherwise.  It's ART, for the love of God.

What else is good about this whole Uzi "tragic accident" situation?  

Good Thing #2: What if the gun instructor was looking at old pictures of Brooke Shields early that morning, lost control of himself, and tried to molest the girl?  He didn't, but that's hardly the point, is it?  If he had, her only hope to defend herself would have been to shoot him.  Which she did.  

If even the slightest urge to touch this child in any inappropriate way so much as crossed his mind, getting shot in the head stopped him right in his tracks.  So really, that kind of worked out for the best.

Good Thing #3: Keep your stinking laws off my guns. 

Good Thing #4: In the Sandy Hook massacre a couple years ago, an adult gunned down a bunch of children.  This time, a child gunned down an adult.  Kind of evened up the score a little, didn't it?  

I mean, I guess the score is still 20 to 1, but at least the kids are finally on the board.

And by the way?  Sandy Hook would never have happened if the children in those classrooms were armed with guns. 

Good Thing #5: The girl learned that she needs to be a little more careful going forward.  It was her own carelessness that caused this man's head injury, and she knows that. 

Good Thing #6: Guns don't kill people.  People kill people.  I think this is clearer now than ever. 

Looking for even more good things to take away?  The link just below will take you to a story on a website called Women's Outdoor News, describing:

7 Ways Children Can Have Fun at the Shooting Range

I think the point here is we need to get more children out on gun ranges.  We need to get more children with concealed carry permits.  In general, we just need more guns in the hands of more children.  

Happy shooting, kids!

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  1. I think this article may have been meant to be ironic.

  2. i'm ok with you having your guns. but i would outlaw bullets. if that sandy hook guy had no bullets, there would be no deaths. no bullets, no deaths.

  3. Yeah,banning guns worked for England didn't it? Adam Lanza would have just mowed them down in a cross walk.

  4. Banning guns has actually worked very, very well in England. They have a tiny fraction of the mass shootings that we have here in the good ol' USA, even after you take into account their smaller population. Things like the Pulse Nightclub massacre and the recent Las Vegas massacre are basically unheard of in England.

  5. You sound like a pedo gun freak.

  6. And you seem mildly, but not profoundly, retarded.