Monday, January 27, 2014

Smart Career Move - Ass Selfies

Jen Selter has made a name for herself by obsessively taking and posting online photos of her own ass.  Now, it could turn into a lucrative career.  Nice yoga pants, by the way. Lululemon?

A couple of weeks ago, I put up a somewhat snarky post about a 20-year-old woman named Jen Selter, known as the "Jewish Queen of Butt Selfies," and the "Best Ass on Instagram."  The post has garnered hundreds of page views for my fledgling blog, and good-natured Jen herself "favorited" it on Twitter. 

Related: The Jewish Queen of Butt Selfies

At the time, I thought that obsessively photographing your own ass, and posting the photos online, was at best a waste of time.  At worst, I thought it hinted at a dark streak of narcissism and shallowness which seems to run through our society like a bad infection.   

I don't know where I got these ideas.

This morning, I stand corrected.  I've just read that Jen signed a deal with The Legacy Agency, which represents sports stars like baseball player Carl Crawford and football player Reggie Bush, as well as sportscaster and Hall of Fame quarterback Troy Aikman.

"We believe she can be the next Jillian Michaels," the agent Andrew Witlieb said.  "Jillian didn't get to where she is until her mid-30s.  Jen is going to grow as a person, as a fitness expert in these next years.  She's here for the long-term." 

Okay, raise your hand if you had to Google the term "Jillian Michaels" just now.

I sure did.  Man, it hurts to be out of the loop as badly as this. 

So Jillian Michaels is the host of a TV show called "The Biggest Loser," where enormously obese people begin to exercise and change their diets and their lifestyles, and apparently, they end up losing a lot of weight.  Good for them.  Good for Jillian.

So now I see where this is going.  Jen Selter is going to be the host of a show called "The Biggest Ass," where people with flat asses will come on wearing skin-tight yoga pants, and begin to do many, many squats.

Over time, their asses will grow and begin to stretch and fill out those yoga pants in a beautiful way.

Really nice yoga pants, Jen!  That's the way to fill 'em out. 
Listen, I'm gonna go on record as predicting that this is going to be a sensation.  I can honestly say that "The Biggest Ass" is a show I could watch.  It's quality programming.    

In the run up to this deal, Jen has also put to rest the question of whether her ass has been augmented by surgery.  Not a chance.  The only surgery she's had was a nose job when she was a teenager.

"I'm Jewish," she said, publicly embracing a racial stereotype that I thought had become illegal to even think, never mind say out loud.  "Jewish girls have big noses.  Probably 1 out of 3 girls I know has had a nose job."

One out of 3 teenage girls she knows has had a nose job?  What planet are we on?  I've known hundreds of adults, and as far as I'm aware, not one of them has had a nose job.  Everybody I know has the same good, bad or ridiculous nose they started out with.   

Which brings me to my final point about Jen Selter.  The woman is clearly a genius.  She is expanding my mind to the point where it's about to explode.  This career of her's wasn't even possible ten years ago - before social media, before smart phones with good digital cameras.  She is lighting our path into the future.

Wait!  Stop!

Uh, news flash coming in.  Jen isn't the genius.  It turns out her mom, Jill Weinstein, is the genius.

Jill, who looks startlingly like her daughter, has herself listed on LinkedIn as the Manager of Operations for a company called Jen Selter, Inc., a position she's held since August, 1993.

Apparently, Jill has been quietly masterminding this Jen Selter phenomenon all along from behind the scenes, shrewdly marketing her daughter's bubble butt, while pretending to be the proud mom cheering from the sidelines.

Well, anyway, they're both geniuses in my book.

Here's Jill Weinstein, marketing genius.  "I'm very proud of [Jen] because she was able to build up this social media in such a way that she has become famous and she is an inspiration and motivation for so many people."

And here's mom and daughter, doing what they do best, looking good and posing for a selfie:

Are we sure Jen hasn't had any lip work done?

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  1. No. I think you were absolutely. right A dark yet shallow streak of twisted narcissism. At least we know Jen can thank mom for everything she is (and will never be)today.

  2. I love this! Girl power. Shake that thing.