|Back in November, Hawaii state representative Tom Brower went around his district with a sledgehammer, smashing the shopping carts of homeless people. “I want to do something practical that will really clean up the streets,” he said.|
I woke up this morning in a bad mood.
It has to do with cleanliness. You ever get to that place where the crib is a mess, papers everywhere, dishes piled in the sink, dirty clothes piled up in front of the washing machine, and now you just want to smash things?
Boy, I sure do. Usually, when that happens, I take my sledgehammer out and just start swinging. I don't care. I demolish shit.
You know why? Because I've found that mindless destruction is the key to solving problems that might otherwise require thought, planning and concerted effort.
Ask Hawaii state representative Tom Brower. He knows all about this.
Back in November, he spent a couple of weeks wandering around his Oahu district with a sledgehammer and destroying the shopping carts of homeless people.
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But it wasn't about homeless people. Even though Brower admits he finds homeless people "disgusting," his reign of terror was really about cleanliness, and the problem of shopping carts cluttering up his neighborhood.
|Tom Brower, hard at work, solving the issue of cleanliness.|
“I’m not trying to attack the homeless," he said. "I’m trying to attack the issue of cleanliness, but some people interpreted it as an attack on the homeless. Now that the issue of shopping carts is on our minds, the question is are we going to move forward and try to solve it or just let it become status quo?"
I'll tell you what we're going to do, Tommy boy.
One day, we're going to find ourselves on Oahu (this is true - Thee Optimist is nothing if not mobile), and we're going to swing by the Home Depot. We're going to purchase a nice, new sledgehammer.
Then we're going to find Tom Brower's car. And because we're irritated about cleanliness, we are going to destroy Tom's car. We're going to do so in a blind, animalistic fury.
We imagine the action will look a little something like this:
And afterwards, the car will look a little something like this:
See? Clean as a whistle. Because that's the way you solve problems.