Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Want to become Happier? Try a Gratitude List

Studies show that being thankful for things will change your life.  Ready?  Me, too.

If you're like Thee Optimist, you'll be at some large Thanksgiving dinner, or other family and friends-type gathering, and a person will decide that it's time to go around the room, so everyone can state out loud what they're thankful for.  

Usually, the aforementioned person will start us off with something along the lines of: "I'm just thankful that we can all be here together in love and fellowship."

At which point, Thee Optimist will cover his ears and run screaming into and through a plate glass door, shattering it and himself into a million tiny pieces.

But oddly enough, Thee Optimist is a thankful person.  And to demonstrate this, he often makes a so-called "gratitude list," which is a list of maybe 3 or 5 or 50 things he is thankful for.  He writes these things down in a notebook, or sometimes types them into a word processing document.

Apparently, this practice has myriad personal benefits, including that it will simply make you happier.

Sounds pretty good, does it not?

In that case, let's try one

Probably the best thing to do is make a quick gratitude list right now, and see how we feel about it.  It may help people lurking in the audience who feel sheepish about the whole thing.

I'll start us off.  The things you are thankful for may be different from mine.  Usually, what I do is put a little orienting statement at the top, like:

Tonight, I am thankful...

1) ...for the Cardi B and Megan Thee (it's catching on!) Stallion performance of their smash hit, "Wet Ass Pussy," on the Grammy Awards the other night.

I am thankful for this because I find it interesting when a society or culture chooses to self-destruct, instead of merely being destroyed by some outside force. 

I am also thankful for this because Cardi B parading her giant chickenfat ass around on national television will contribute to the body positivity movement, of which I am an enthusiastic participant.

2) ...because that lying, conniving, asshole motherfucker is out of a job, and something like adults are finally back in charge.

Donald Trump as The Hindenburg Disaster.

3) ...because benevolent scientists are doing wise and forward-thinking things, like creating mouse and human-like embryos in the laboratory.

I am thankful for this because one day soon, wealthy ladies won't have to undergo the long inconvenience of pregnancy and childbirth anymore.  They will simply have their babies whipped up in the lab, and grown in an artificial womb.  

Unwealthy ladies, unfortunately, will probably keep doing it the old-fashioned way, like barnyard animals.

I am also thankful for this because it suggests that new parents won't have to roll the dice on how their babies come out.  They will be able to simply order perfect little world-class athlete Shakespeare cello-master designer babies, like ordering off the menu at a restaurant. 

4) ...for the rapper turned entrepreneur Snoop Dogg, who is still out there, doing Snoop-type things.  If you haven't tried the Snoop Cali Red, it's really not bad.

I'm also thankful that he and Martha Stewart have become friends, because it's very nice when nice people get along.  This is a good thing, as Martha might say.

This is real.  And heartwarming.

5) ...for the Oblivion NPC trend on Youtube, which is entertaining and disturbing at the same time, and makes that website more than just the largest copyright violation in human history.

Don't know what Oblivion NPC is?  Well, apparently Oblivion is an older video game, in which you go on a quest through a medieval fairytale.  And along the way, you meet NPCs, which are "non-player characters," controlled by the computer.  NPCs say and do strange things, and can often turn hostile. 

NPCs also exist in real life.  You can witness Oblivion NPC behavior for yourself here, and here, and here.  Or you can just watch the one below:

I like how at one point near the end, he seems to refer to kids as "roaches."

There is no doubt that this gratitude list has made me happier.

Now try one on your own.

1 comment:

  1. "I HAD TO relive the Wet Ass Pussy performance". hmm. Someone made u do this? Or maybe u CHOSE to do it?