Friday, December 13, 2013

Bruce Jenner Just Got Weirder

Former Olympic Gold medalist Bruce Jenner has had 147 plastic surgeries so far.  Now he's planning to have his Adam's Apple removed.  "I just never liked my trachea," he says about the surgery, which is normally part of a male to female sex change.   
Bruce Jenner is a weird guy.

He became a national hero in 1976 when he won the gold medal at the Montreal Olympics for a sport called the Decathlon.  No one is sure what this sport was because no one plays it anymore, but experts suspect it had something to do with running and jumping, and maybe throwing things.

He was on the front of the Wheaties cereal box for a long time, I guess because Americans needed something to feel proud about, what with the Russians always winning at everything and Japanese cars coming in and Jimmy Carter in the White House. 

But then Bruce Jenner disappeared.  His long absence made you wonder if he ever existed in the first place.  We had Ronald Reagan then, and we invaded Panama that time, and we bombed the shit out of Saddam Hussein and the Irackees.  What did we need Bruce Jenner for?  What the hell was the Decathlon, anyway?

Bruce Jenner celebrates his great victory in the Decathlon at the 1976 Montreal Olympics.  Athletes had different bodies back then.  LeBron James he ain't.  What is this Decathlon, anyway?

Bruce re-emerged in recent years, married to the Kardashians.  Soon rumors started to circulate about Bruce's habit of dressing as a woman, especially his enjoyment of wearing women's underwear.  This was a private matter, however, and if the Karashians didn't mind, why should we?  Lord knows the Kardashians have much weirder shit than that going on.  

Of course, all men dress up in women's clothes sometimes, especially when they're alone.  Women's clothes feel kind of soft, and sensual, and sexy.  It reminds me of the time when... well, it's perfectly normal is my point. 

But now that Bruce and the Kardashians have split, it seems Bruce wants to have his Adam's Apple shaved down.  Thee Optimist is a no-judgement zone, but that's not perfectly normal.  It's a little Abby Normal, if you ask me.

The procedure is called Chondrolaryngoplasty, and it reduces the size of the Adam's Apple, usually in preparation for sexual reassignment surgery.  For Bruce's part, while he doesn't deny considering the surgery, he does deny wanting to become a woman.

"I just never liked my trachea," he says.  

Oddly enough, a more accurate quote for many men would be, "I just never noticed my trachea."  Somebody we know might look in the mirror a little too much. 

Bruce Jenner in blue lipstick, wig and earrings for his role in the upcoming "Hungover Games" movie.

See Related Article:  Kim Kardashian, Dr. Phil, Weigh In On Bruce Jenner Sex Change Rumors